defying the norm...

Gusto ko magsulat... kahit ano...random thoughts... my head's in a jam. I wasn't able to attend mass today, i really needed the comfort from God, magulo ngayon ang sense of direction ko. Suddenly i feel like i am lost. I just called my mom a while ago, kasi i feel the need to talk to someone who'll hear me out,to clear cobwebs in my head

Ewan ko ba? malamang epekto ng pagiging autistic ko since I moved and started working here in SG. Alam ko naman, i have always had this "detachment" syndrome... and lately i feel the need to breath new air. Nauuta na ako sa work ko, but i need to work.

Last night I chatted with my friend sa Pinas, we used to work in the same company before, when i left eventually most of my batchmates left as well including her. She's self-employed sort of, working in a home-based call center. Considering the income she gets and convinience of staying home which means not being away from her family, makes me want to reconsider. Haay... dami lang kasing considerations. But I really miss home.

I always say this, there's no place like home talaga! Kaya nga even if I have to allot 3 hours travelling nung nag wowork pa ako sa QC, i dont mind as long as i will be heading home, kahit pa madalas lumalampas ako sa dapat kong babaan dahil nakakatulog ako sa biyahe. But it's not too easy to quit here, remembering the tough times I have gone through to secure a job, di kaya mawindang si God pag nag change of heart ako? that's one major consideration.

I need to save too! a must! for the past 7 months working here wala pa akong ipon.Di naman ako maluhong tao,branded stuff don't fancy me, i haven't even got myself a pricey clothes, bags or perfume, so far my biggest spending is only this laptop na tanging connection ko sa mundo, bakit nga ba wala pa akong ipon? Somehow I feel I have confined myself on something na until now i can't define. Pero, Leona magcomplain pa ba? Alam ko naman na if i'll look around i am still very much blessed,but at least feeling ko self-inflicted lang 'tong mental torture na pinagdadaanan ko at alam ko dadaan lang to...I just want it to pass soon... arrrgh!

Sayang naman ang positive energies ko pag nagkataon. Sa ngayon i'll just let each day takes it's own course, bahala na muna si batman. Pero syempre, i am preparing for my back up plan. SHit! di kaya boredome lang to? eh lagi naman akong bored so anong bago? haayy... baliw! 

Basta tama na to.. baka mahawa pa sa akin yung babasa nito, kung meron man. Bukas pag gising ko, bagong araw na ulit, bagong thoughts, bagong pakikipagsapalaran... bagong kaiinisan. at least bago! yun lang!